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In the Jungle

Hello friends and community!

As many of you know, I am deep in the jungle working with Ricardo Amaringo and his apprentices. I feel good being here, although it is somewhat strange, every time I come here it feels different. I'm learning that you can never go back to how things were, to old times or relive past experiences. I keep coming back to this place because it feels like home to me, being here with new friends and seeing old faces. Here in the jungle I am real, authentic and raw. There really isn't any other place on earth that I feel this way, so it helps me recenter to myself. I feel like in just a few days I've made some progress, I can't imagine how I will feel in the future. But I have great intentions, most importantly to learn how to deepen my practice in loving myself and what that means. Then from this place, I can be more available and supportive of others who want to do the same. It's not easy work, it's very hard actually. I don't mind the bugs or the humidity. What is hard is looking at my shadow. Seeing all the ways I've hurt people in the past, or let people down. I keep reminding myself that forgiveness is key to making deep changes, but how? How can I forgive? I'm learning that forgiveness is letting go of what I thought the situation was supposed to be like. Instead of feeling disappointed in how life has evolved, I need to see it with the goggles of reality.

With the help of the plants, with the help of nature, I have the intentions to reconnect to what is true and real for me, without sounding cliche or hippie-ish. I realize I have nothing to prove, nothing to do, and no one to impress. What if I could practice living from a place of contentment, deeply and fully.

That's the question. I have many questions... Like, where do I need to do my work? What have I been avoiding? What parts of me still need healing? These are just a few. I don't want to look, why would anyone want to sit in the dark and feel bad but it's the only way out. Without distractions I have no other choice but to let the jungle work on me.

That's all I have for now. Soon I will enter dieta, and that will be a whole other thing... But one thing I know for sure, the goal for me is to be more Ashley-like. Who is she?

Thanks for reading.... More to come.